With the tragedy, isolation, and anxiety the past year has brought us, it may be difficult to celebrate Valentine’s Day this year. Maybe spending a day focused on love feels challenging or even impossible for some of you. Alternatively, maybe some of you are looking forward to celebrating the love that prevails in your life. Maybe some of you don’t even celebrate Valentine’s Day! Either way, I would like to invite you all to practice something this February 14th: self-love.

“Everyone who is reading this deserves love. No matter how many mistakes you think you’ve made in life, or how imperfect you may think you are. ”

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Listen, I know it can be difficult to practice self-love, even in the best of circumstances. Maybe you’re beating yourself up over not being able to reach resolutions you set for yourself in the new year. Maybe you’re battling an eating disorder that’s telling you that you only deserve love if you lose a certain amount of weight, or hide your struggle with food from the people in your life. Maybe, like myself, you feel guilty for spending time just with yourself.

Let me speak into these spaces: You deserve love. Everyone who is reading this deserves love. No matter how many mistakes you think you’ve made in life, or how imperfect you may think you are. You deserve love.

From a yogic perspective, there is belief that how we treat ourselves is actually how we treat those around us. This comes from the jewel of ahimsa, or non-violence, which doesn’t always mean physical violence. From this guideline, violence can look like judgment or critique, holding high, rigid expectations, arrogance, spreading ourselves too thin, using negative self-talk, shaming ourselves and others, accepting powerlessness, and beyond. From these examples we can see that we can be violent with ourselves as much as we can be violent with others, and ahimsa encourages us to speak kindly to ourselves so that we may be able to speak kindly to others. Deborah Adele, in the book The Yamas & Niyamas: Exploring Yoga’s Ethical Practice, says that “How we treat ourselves is in truth how we treat those around us.”

It is with this frame of mind that I encourage you to practice expressing love to yourself this Valentine’s Day weekend, so that you may be able to express love to others. If you’re unsure of how to do this or where to start, I’ve created some examples of ways you can practice self-love!

Meditate

Spend some time turning inwards, to enjoy even a brief moment of having stopped. Some enjoy guided meditations, found on apps like Headspace, Calm, or Insight Timer. You may also try meditating on a mantra, or an affirmation that you particularly enjoy. Lately I have enjoyed meditating by repeating the mantra “I love you” in my mind, occasionally imagining myself saying these words to myself as a child. You might also simply focus on your breathing while smiling…your face communicates to your brain!

Treat yourself to chocolate (or other favorite treats!)

I know, it’s a cliché! And it is one for a reason! I would encourage you to find a treat that you truly love and be intentional with your enjoyment of it. What I mean by this is not eating on the go or while you work on other things, but spend time enjoying your treat mindfully. Free of negative judgments or self-talk, really participating in the enjoyment of this pleasure.

Celebrate all wins, no matter how small

Are you someone who struggles with perfectionism or high expectations of yourself? Perhaps try writing out all of the reasons to celebrate yourself today! I used to do this daily, using an exercise my therapist created which I call a “Triumph Diary.” In it, I would write down everything I did well that day, even if it seemed miniscule or unworthy of celebration. My list some days would include “Ate all of my breakfast!” or “Crossed one item off my to-do list.” Other days, I wrote entries like “Used a healthy coping skill during a difficult moment” or “Enjoyed a bubble bath before bed” or “Celebrated a positive week with my partner!” Nothing is too small to celebrate!

Abhyanga

A practice I’ve come to relish and explore is abhyanga or self-massage. This is a practice of self-intimacy, steeped in gratitude of what our bodies offer us. If this feels comfy/safe for you, using any relaxing oil of your choice (I prefer a lavender bath oil), spend some time massaging all parts of your body, paying special attention to your feet. This practice is best done in a quiet, relaxing “sanctuary” where you won’t be interrupted or distracted. Feel free to light candles or incense, play soft music, and finish by taking a short (or long!) savasana.

*Abhyanga is offered in Eat Breathe Thrive’s curriculum. For more information, explore our course offerings or email sam@eatbreathethrive.org.

Carve out time for your favorite activity

Spend some time doing what you love, whether it’s reading, walking in nature, painting, practicing yoga, playing video games, etc. Anything that is just for you! There’s no need to feel performative or perfectionistic with this one. This is solely for your enjoyment.

Set Boundaries

Boundaries are a crucial part of self-care, self-respect, and self-love. They delineate the parameters of your relationships. Take a look at where you may need to implement some firmer boundaries in your life and enforce them! Maybe this is at work, in your relationships/friendships…or with yourself. Ask yourself where you have no-go zones in your life. Who is allowed in what areas of your life? When is your door wide open, when is it cracked, and when is it closed? Boundaries are ways to take care of yourself and honor your time with yourself and others. You cannot pour from an empty cup, this is why enforcing boundaries are important.

Create a Self-Soothe Kit for times of stress

Stress is a part of life. I’ve found it handy to have a “kit” of soothing tools to use during stressful moments. Some items to consider adding to your own self-soothe kit are candles, lotion, essential oils, putty or clay, a weighted blanket, heating pads, soft blankets, journals, coloring books, puzzle books or crosswords, card/board games, art supplies, comforting movies (I’m a Disney fan, myself), bubble bath, meditation apps, etc. Find what feels most soothing for you…no two self-soothe kits look the same, and that’s okay!
(For those struggling with anxiety, this may be particularly helpful. I keep a list of these soothing tools that I keep in my toolkit on my phone, so that I don’t have to think about what to use during tough moments.)

Wear the outfit you feel most comfy in

Valentine’s Day can put pressure on us to dress up and look our best. With this idea, I’m inviting you to think about the clothes that make you feel the most comfortable or the most yourself. Maybe that’s a little black dress, or maybe it’s a pair of sweatpants. The goal here is comfort. Don’t judge your choice, just go with your gut!

Practice interoceptive awareness

This big word means the ability to sense what is happening inside your body at any given time. Our internal sensations (such as our throat feeling dry, our stomach growling, or our eyes welling) indicate our physical or emotional needs. This might be the best option for those who feel self-love to be a bit too difficult. We can respect our bodies even if we don’t love them. This practice allows us to listen to what our body is telling us and act on those needs. Try naming 5 physical sensations you feel in this moment. Allow yourself to breathe into these observations. Choose 1 or 2 sensations to turn into a promise for self-care. (Example: if my throat is dry, I promise to get myself a drink of water as soon as possible.)

About The Author

Kelsey Gilchriest is a mental health advocate passionate about breaking down the stigmas that surround mental illness. While in treatment for an eating disorder, her therapist challenged her to use creativity to defy her perfectionism, and her own personal blog was born. The more she wrote and expressed her fears, hopes, and struggles openly and honestly, the more comments and messages she received from readers who saw themselves in her stories. Years later, Kelsey’s blog is still going strong as she continues advocating for those who feel voiceless and dismantling the idea that those with mental health struggles should stay silent.

Kelsey resides in Nashville, Tennessee, and works as a Peer Mentor at Equip. She enjoys yoga and photography in her spare time. Kelsey is thrilled to be writing for Eat Breathe Thrive, and thanks you for reading!

How to Practice Self-Love this Valentine’s Day