How Yoga Can Support Eating Disorder Recovery
Yoga for Perfectionism
My new yoga practice is both consciously and unconsciously challenging my perfectionism. Especially as a beginner in quarantine, without an instructor to show or help me with proper poses, pretty much everything I do is imperfect. And despite knowing this, I still choose to show up on my mat every day and try…I think that’s what yoga is all about…showing up, even when it’s messy or imperfect.
I’ve been struggling with meditation recently because I found I’m not great at the concept of “noticing your thoughts as clouds passing by, without holding onto or judging them.” I once told a friend that rather than observing my thoughts as clouds, I cause a storm of clouds that hover above me and drench me in rain. I’ve been encouraged to treat meditation like a skill that requires practice, just like photography or writing.
On my mat recently, I was in the middle of a particularly challenging yoga practice that woke up a lot of muscles I don’t normally use. After I transitioned out of a difficult pose back into downward dog, it took me a few breaths to realize I wasn’t holding proper form of this resting pose and was sort of collapsing in on myself because of my tired muscles. When I became aware of my improper form, I simply readjusted, pushing away from the earth and dropping my shoulders. Upon reflection later that day, I realized I had unconsciously done what I always tell myself I’m so bad at in meditation: I noticed my form was wrong, and, without judging myself for getting it wrong, I just readjusted and moved on with the practice. There wasn’t time to linger on my “mistake,” because I breathed into the next pose and was so grounded that I stayed in the present.
Yoga for Body Positivity
Yoga is helping me see my body differently, more than I’ve ever been able to before, and in an entirely new way. We discussed body positivity in my eating disorder treatment program, but it wasn’t until I continued to show up on my mat that I fully grasped the concept.
When my lungs expand and contract, I am grateful that my body is able to keep me alive, most of the time without me even being conscious of it. When I stand in Tadasana, or mountain pose, I am grateful that my bones support me as I stand, sit, walk, and go about my life. When I move through different poses, I am grateful to my muscles for allowing me to do the things I love and even the things I don’t, usually with ease and obliviousness. When I lay in Savasana, or corpse pose, I am grateful to my body as a whole, for performing so many simultaneous complex functions that allow me to breathe, walk, talk, and think, let alone feel, emote, create, and do the million other things that make me me.
Yoga has given me the beautiful chance to stop criticizing my body for what I perceive as “faults,” and be grateful for just how many things it can do, that I normally never acknowledge.
Yoga for Willfulness
Listen…I am stubborn. My willpower can be sub-par. When I have a bad day, it is easy for me to pass on the difficult tasks. Lately, I’ve found that the days when I really don’t want to show up on my mat are the days that I notice the most improvement in my mood from the beginning to the end of my practice. And knowing that helps me push past my stubbornness. To show up, even when I desperately do not want to. Because the feeling at the end always trumps the feeling at the beginning. Feeling proud. Accomplished. Inspired.
Yoga for Self-Awareness
One of the benefits of yoga, I’ve found, is its ability to safely and gently connect the body and the mind. One of the skills I learned in Eat Breathe Thrive’s Yoga for Eating Disorder Recovery course helped me to hone and develop this connection in my own practice.
I have a trait that makes me more sensitive to the world around me. I’ll discuss the details of Highly Sensitive People in a future post, but to give you a general overview, my nervous system processes information differently than most. As a result, I am slightly more intuitive, sensitive to external stimuli, and empathetic to others’ feelings.
Fortunately, due to my high sensitivity, my natural tendency to be self-reflective has helped me in my yoga practice. Yoga is all about inner-awareness, so as I allow my breath to lead my movement on my mat, I feel more attuned to my body and its needs than I’ve ever been before. This practice helped me be honest with myself about my meal plan; being more aware of what my body was telling me helped me recognize hunger cues I may not have otherwise been aware of. With a slight adjustment, I now feel back on track and my body thanks me!
Yoga for Radical Acceptance
I am a highly sensitive person with multiple chronic and mental illnesses. I am in recovery from a painful, consuming eating disorder. I experience PTSD from my chronic illness and subsequent anxiety. All of these facets are a part of what makes me me. Denying them or being angry with them won’t make them any less true. I am in a period of transition and acceptance of the bad things that have happened to me. I’ve realized that holding onto anger or resentment about these things only cripples me further and keeps me in a place of stuckness. If I can’t embrace my body for all of its intricacies, talents, and flaws, how can I embrace a true yoga practice? Radical Acceptance is a skill I learned in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, and it’s never made more sense to me than it does when I’m sitting on my yoga mat, grateful for what my body can do for me.
If you have an eating disorder and are interested in learning more about how yoga can help your recovery, I highly encourage you to sign up for Eat Breathe Thrive’s Yoga for Eating Disorder Recovery course. The next class begins on October 7th, and lasts for four weeks. This class has not only helped me to develop a yoga practice that works for me but has given me incredibly useful tools to use in moments when my eating disorder gets too loud. Scholarships are also available if you are experiencing financial hardship, and would still like to take the course.
About The Author
Kelsey Gilchriest is a mental health advocate passionate about breaking down the stigmas that surround mental illness. While in treatment for an eating disorder, her therapist challenged her to use creativity to defy her perfectionism, and her own personal blog was born. The more she wrote and expressed her fears, hopes, and struggles openly and honestly, the more comments and messages she received from readers who saw themselves in her stories. Years later, Kelsey’s blog is still going strong as she continues advocating for those who feel voiceless and dismantling the idea that those with mental health struggles should stay silent.
Kelsey resides in Nashville, Tennessee, and works as a Peer Mentor at Equip. She enjoys yoga and photography in her spare time. Kelsey is thrilled to be writing for Eat Breathe Thrive, and thanks you for reading!