How to Challenge All-or-Nothing Thinking
A couple of week ago, a friend of mine sent me a folder of photos from a portrait shoot we did a few days prior. I needed a new professional headshot, and asked my good friend, who happens to be a great photographer, to take them for me. As a photographer, I normally hate being on the other side of the camera, but my previous headshot was taken back in 2016 and I looked quite a bit different then. I let myself have fun during the shoot; I focused on my friend and allowed my weirdness to take over.
When I saw the photos that night, I cringed. Not because the photos themselves were bad—they were beautiful, actually—but because I immediately saw the flaws in my face. I couldn’t even look at them longer than a few seconds because I didn’t see myself as a whole, I saw myself as small pieces to be picked apart.
I immediately began judging myself for judging myself. All I kept thinking was that I had made so much progress in the realm of body positivity yet had failed epically in a crucial opportunity for self-love. In fact, that very morning I had published my first post for Eat Breathe Thrive’s blog all about reframing how we view our bodies, and felt imposter syndrome sneaking in. Suddenly, I saw this small struggle as the demise of my capability to love myself. Yikes!
Not long after, I was able to pull away from the situation and look at it from a different angle. Not even a week prior, my therapist and I discussed my penchant for All or Nothing thinking. This mindset, also known as Black and White thinking, falls under the “Cognitive Distortions” category, and can trap you into feeling like things are either staunchly one way or the other, without anything existing in between. Examples include, but are not limited to, “If I don’t finish this task by tonight, I am a failure,” “I tried something new and made a mistake, so I will never be good at it,” and “I’m feeling frustrated with my coworkers, but they did a task correctly today, so everything is fine.” Double yikes!
Ah, but this is when dialectics come into play!
“Dialectical means two opposing things being true at once.”
Thinking dialectically means acknowledging two things being true at the same time. For people who struggle with mental illness and/or eating disorders, this can be difficult. It’s easy to think that if you relapse it hurtles you backwards in your recovery, or even worse, it negates any and all of your progress. Let me set things straight: hiccups in recovery do not erase the progress you’ve made.
I’ll say it again, just to drive it home…You can struggle and be making progress. These two things can (and will) exist at the same time.
The night I saw those photos, I experienced struggle. I looked at my 2-D face on the screen and couldn’t see the amazing qualities I’ve been discovering about myself lately. Picking apart my looks is my default mode right now. But I know now that it won’t always be. I am learning and growing and coming into my power. And part of that growth and stepping into who I was always meant to be means that I will stumble now and again.
I can stumble and be strong. The good news is, so can you!
“You can struggle AND be making progress. These two things can (and will) exist at the same time.”
About The Author
Kelsey Gilchriest is a mental health advocate passionate about breaking down the stigmas that surround mental illness. While in treatment for an eating disorder, her therapist challenged her to use creativity to defy her perfectionism, and her own personal blog was born. The more she wrote and expressed her fears, hopes, and struggles openly and honestly, the more comments and messages she received from readers who saw themselves in her stories. Years later, Kelsey’s blog is still going strong as she continues advocating for those who feel voiceless and dismantling the idea that those with mental health struggles should stay silent.
Kelsey resides in Nashville, Tennessee, and works as a Peer Mentor at Equip. She enjoys yoga and photography in her spare time. Kelsey is thrilled to be writing for Eat Breathe Thrive, and thanks you for reading!
